I suppose I left everyone in a cliffhanger from the June
post explaining the adoption process.
At that time, we were waiting for the second home study visit. Our second visit was completed in
July, so I think I’m a really bad blogger. To recap, the first visit is really to introduce yourself to
the caseworker and he/she will prepare you for what will happen during the
second visit. Adoption tip number 1: IF YOU ARE IN THE ADOPTION PROCESS,
DON’T WAIT TO SCHEDULE YOUR HOME STUDY. For some reason, I was under the
impression that you had to complete the entire checklist before contacting the
agency for the visits, so we were really slow moving in the beginning. What really happens, start working on
the packet of info the agency gives you, schedule the 1st visit with
the caseworker, and then by the 2nd visit, have all the paperwork
complete. Although this
misunderstanding held us back a couple of weeks, to be honest we couldn’t go
any faster. Between Nick being on
military trips and dental boards for me, we probably went as fast as we
could. So this leads me to adoption tip number 2: GO AT YOUR OWN PACE. I joined a couple Facebook adoption groups. I have made friends through Facebook
and I love the adoption support system.
But, if you allow it, the constant updates and the sense of rushing
through the adoption process can be very overwhelming. Nick had to constantly remind as we
were filing out the mound of paperwork, we are to enjoy this process and work
as a team. Several arguments
(mainly because I had this desire to be “Adoption Superwoman”) occurred, and I
Praise the Lord, I realized Nick is way better at doing the paperwork than I
am. I then vowed not to become a “Crazy Adopting Mother”.
So during the 2nd home study visit, we were
interviewed by the caseworker. The
questions were probing, but we were properly prepped for them. We turned in the remaining paperwork, and
she did the infamous walk-through of the house. Nick and I cleaned our house to the point I could prepare
food on my hardwood floors. Things
were clean. Even our dogs felt
guilty when their fur-clumps shed to the ground. To my disappointment, the walk-through only meant counting
the rooms of the house & making sure we had a fire extinguisher on every
level. Adoption tip number 3: DON’T DRIVE YOUR HUSBAND CRAZY ABOUT CLEANING
THE HOUSE FOR THE HOMESTUDY WALK-THROUGH. In short, if the caseworker is willing to use your bathroom,
then you passed the cleaning inspection.
After the visit, we were expecting to be done with our part,
but we were just way too hopeful.
It turns out, we still owed
$890 to the United States Customs & Immigration Services (USCIS). We took a big swallow, filled out the
USCIS I600 A application and paid the money. So there’s an entire adoption language that can be
frustrating, I600 A is the application for the Advanced Processing of Orphan
Petitioning. Also, we still needed
to complete the 10 hours of adoption learning credits. The education program is
through Adoption Learning Partners, and you can choose what you want to learn
about; however, your placing agency (ours is Americans for International Aid
and Adoption and this is the agency that will do all the work within Korea)
will tell you what they like for you to learn. In my naivety, I didn’t think there would be a price tag to
these mandatory adoption education credits. Adoption tip number 4:
EVERYTHING WITH ADOPTION COST MONEY. The education credits set us back $131. The price wasn’t as painful as actually
completing the lessons. Lets put
it this way, I had more fun learning about root canals than completing the
education credits. Since we
are on the topic of money, once the home study was complete, we owed our local
agency (Adoption Assistance, INC) $1,700 for a processing fee. Also, we owed AIAA (the placing agency
that works within Korea) $500 for a formal application fee AND $3,000 for a Program fee. In short, have a little in the savings
account early on in the adoption process… I
guess this is TIP number 5. Once
Korea matches us with a baby, we will then owe AIAA the full shebang,
$28,000.
This is the perfect segue into, MATCHING. At this point, Nick and I have done
absolutely everything on our end.
We even got the letter back from USCIS and we went down to the
immigrations office and advanced petitioned for our unknown orphan. This means they took fingerprints again. I have had my fingerprints taken so
many times, I could draw my digits for Korea. Now we are waiting for Korea to determine who our
little one will be and when this happens, we will be officially MATCHED. The local agency ( Adoption
Assistance) said for us to expect a “quick” match. They are expecting Korea to like us, because they included
my Korean heritage in the profile.
I knew my unusual love for Kimchi would help me out in life, I just had
no idea it would help me with getting a baby!!! All this being said, the last conversation with AIAA (the placing
agency), I was told international adoptions can take 6 months on average for
matching. Finding out it really
can take 6 months was a little heart breaking. I’m counting on you guys to lift us up in prayer, and that
my heart can handle however long the wait may be. We know our child is born, we do not know who he is
and we really don’t even know if the little human is even a HE. I so look forward to the email
that says we have been matched, and shows us a picture of Matthew or Sarah. A common question is, do we get a
say in who they match us with? YES. They give us a profile of a baby and
depending on the medical needs, we decide if we are able to accept the referral
of the child. Several months ago
we had to complete a Medical Needs Check List. This was a very difficult thing for us to do. We had to objectively say what child we
were willing to parent. Luckily, I
am surrounded by dentists, so I went up to the pediatric department and one of
my professors helped me with the list.
Nick and I needed a third person that didn’t have their hearts invested
in becoming a parent to guide us.
When we get matched, or receive the referral for our child, we will then
consult a pediatric physician. The
pediatrician can further determine the health of future baby Dobson, or we like
to call the little human, Sweet Baby Korea.
So this leads me to the point of the blog post. WE ARE
ACTIVELY WAITING. Adoption tip number 6: FIGURE OUT WHAT
ACTIVELY WAITING MEANS TO YOU. That
“Crazy Adopting Mother” I vowed not to become in paragraph 1, I might be becoming
her. I added Korea’s weather on
the Weather Channel App on my phone, so I know what temperature my baby is
experiencing…..Nick doesn’t know I did this. Today, I checked my email 15 times, at least, waiting to get
an email from AIAA saying they found Sweet Baby Korea. Then to top off my fourth week of
waiting for a match, the story of the gorilla, rejected by her primate mother
but adopted by humans, has been all over the news. I cried like a crazy adopting mother when I saw this orphan
gorilla, and then contemplated: if Korea found us a gorilla, I would probably
accept that ape and love it forever.
What does actively waiting mean to me? I mean, we are trying to continue on with our lives as the Lord is
working on finding me a human baby.
More than likely, Nick won’t go for Kamina, the orphaned
gorilla, so I have to wait on God & Korea to find me an orphan of the human
variety. Therefore, Nick and I are
actively waiting by staying busy with fundraising. Our last big fundraiser is a 5K run/walk at Cherokee Park on
October 18th (8-11am). This
is for all fitness levels and you can register on active.com (race page:
Adoption Assistance 5K run/walk).
And yes, I just used my blog post as a plug-in for the 5k…..We REALLY
need participants. Everyone is
going to walk away knowing more about adoption & orphan care and every
dollar raised is one less dollar on our dreaded adoption loan.
I also joined a bible study designed for moms. I feel somewhat weird being apart of
the study, since I can only talk about mothering my two dogs. However, I am
really learning a lot from this awesome group of ladies. I started calling our group the “Spice
Girls”. The other ladies actually
don’t refer to themselves as the mid-90’s British pop group, I am the only one
that does that. Any way, me &
the Spice Girls meet up once a week, and I am so very appreciative of their
insight. By the grace of God,
there is a member that is an adoptive mother and doesn’t have biological
children. I held back the tears
when the adoptive momma introduced herself. God listened to my prayer of needing guidance for
motherhood. Daily, I lack confidence
in how I will handle this new chapter of my life. What if this child doesn’t bond to me? What if the baby is filled with
resentment, rejection, or simply doesn’t ever sleep, because he/she is raging
on Korean time and not Eastern Standard Time???? I love hearing stories from mothers with biological
children, but the testimony from this adoptive mom is what I need to hear right
now. Therefore, I am actively waiting by being a part of a bible
study that will help me prepare for my baby gorilla…. OOPS!!! I mean, my baby human!!!!!
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| At the Adoption Raffle on Sept 6th, 2014 |
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| Kamina, the orphaned gorilla |
