What we have been doing: Paperwork & Home Study visits

Well, what the heck have we, Dobson's, been doing since we signed the initial paperwork that officially declared us adopting???

Our little mountain of paperwork is slowly getting signed, but we have had a couple delays due to work and school.  Nick went off to Alaska for 3 weeks,  then had to go to Germany for a week, because of military orders.  While he was away, I was busy studying for the part 1 national dental boards exam.  After a month of pure craziness, we are happy to have Nick back in the USA, and I am ecstatic to announce that I PASSED the boards exam.  Last week, June 24th, was our first home study visit, and we are expecting the final home study visit around the second week of July.

So what kind of paper work is needed for the home study?? The very day we signed documents at our agency, Adoption Assistance, INC, we were assigned a case worker and emailed a packet to start working on.  Unfortunately, I thought a weekend would cover the amount of time needed for this packet.  It has been 6 weeks, and I still don't have everything in order.

The usual info is needed:  Addresses for the last 10 years, certified copies of marriage license and birth certificates ($50), list of monthly income and expenses, FBI checks (this is done by setting up finger prints at a UPS store, $50 per person), Kentucky State police check ($20 per person), and Kentucky child abuse & neglect check ($20 per person because of requesting records from the Administrators Office of the Courts).  Since Nick and I have lived in Texas and Arkansas we also needed national criminal checks which is done through Background Ferret.  You pay $70 for the two record checks, and they send you a dinky email with the results.

The words of wisdom I have to offer, which was learned the hard way:  PRINT OFF ALL RECORDS EMAILED TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THEM.  Once you receive an email confirmation with results, make sure to print off the document. The FBI results expires in 30 days.  After the 30 day mark you will have to repay $50 for each person and go back to the UPS store for finger prints.  Luckily we knew to print off our FBI results ASAP, because we were burned by the Administrator Office of the Courts (AOC) record, which is needed to further submit a request of records for the Kentucky child abuse & neglect check.  The AOC record expires after two weeks.  So we were out an unnecessary $40, and the extra time it took for processing the request.

Having a physician is needed, because physicals are required.  I'm not sure if this is true for all adoptions, but if you are adopting from Korea, have a family doctor.  Nick didn't really have a family doctor, so it took a couple of weeks for a physician to squeeze Nick into the schedule.  Your medical history is documented which includes medications, a vision exam, current TB results, vaccinations, infertility issues, blood pressure, and basic blood work.  Korea is a little goofy, but not the only country to scrutinize over BMI, and metabolic conditions.  For example, it will be hard to impossible to adopt from Korea if you have diabetes....Even type 1 diabetes. I find this ridiculous, because type 1 has nothing to do with life style choices, but is an autoimmune issue usually in children.  Nonetheless, we got our physicals and we are healthy Dobson's.

I ran into an extra bump in the road when I disclosed my medications.  I happen to be on Trazodone for sleep problems.  Ever since I could remember, my brain doesn't shut off when I'm trying to count sheep...Instead, I toss & turn and never fall asleep and the next day I'm a grumpy twerp.  Being in dental school, I can't be a walking, talking zombie 24/7, so I decided to try prescription medication.  Trazodone has been a life saver.  I CAN SLEEP, PRAISE THE LORD!!!!   Trazodone works as a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (or, for non-medical folks, it was formally used in larger doses as an anti-depressant).  Anti-depressants are a red flag to Korea and I'm sure other countries.  Luckily, in my case the medication is set at a low dose and not prescribed for depression.  I'm currently having my physician write a letter explaining why the medication is prescribed, and my case worker said to have them state the letter "gently".  In short, I know Korea and China are weary of any diagnosis of depression, or the like.

While all the paperwork is underway, the home study visits are done.  I didn't know what to expect for the 1st visit, but my house has never been cleaner.  It is amazing what all gets clean when you think you are about to be judged on your domestic skills.  Ironically, the case worker didn't even go beyond my dining room.  She didn't see my newly cleaned kitchen cabinets.  The second home study visit is the meat & potatoes of the home study.  The first visit is to prepare you for the second visit, so hopefully she'll notice the cabinets the second time around.  For the upcoming visit, we are to have mainly common sense stuff ready, like a fire extinguisher on every level of the house, all the smoke detectors in working order,  and all medications placed in high places.  Nick and I will be interviewed separately about why we are adopting and prove that neither one of us are being forced to adopt.  We also have to be prepared to state who, in the tragic event of both of our deaths, would we have raise our child.  We were told that it's best for the designated couple be no more than 50 years older than the child.  My point, if you are going down the adoption route, be prepared to have several tough conversations with your spouse.

The goal for the final home study visit is to have all the documents ready to be submitted.  As of right now, we are on track for this goal.  In our first adoption process month,  I not only learned to quickly print off every document received, but also enlightened on my weaknesses.  I seem to want to go, go, go, and get discouraged when something doesn't get accomplished in one sitting. When it comes to adoption paperwork, there's a background check to be requested for the background check you are currently requesting...Everything takes time.  Nick continually reminds me to try to allow the process to be enjoyable. Even trying to remember all of our addresses we lived at when we have moved 5 times in the last four years because of the military, should still be an enjoyable occasion, because it means eventually we are getting a baby. Yes, we have argued while filling out documents, and it's really easy to fall into the trap of frustration.  I originally envisioned me taking the reigns and being this "Adoption Super Woman", but it turns out that Nick is better at completing the documents.  When I let him take the lead things get done.

In closing, I want to thank everyone for the overwhelming support and love.  I know adoption doesn't come with hormonal fluctuations of pregnancy, but I might cry close to the same amount as my preggo momma friends.  We have been deeply moved by all of you, and each motivating message brings me to blubbering tears.   For those of you looking to this blog as a way of gathering info for an adoption of your own, please let me know if I need to clarify anything for you.  Nick and I are newbies and still have a lot to learn, but want to connect resources together for everyone.   We ask for prayers for strength, perseverance and patience.  We just started a process that's expected to take 10-14 months, all the while our future little human is on our minds constantly.  I have felt moments of defeat this past month, because I just want to hurry up and fast forward to the part of us picking up our baby from the foster home.  But, I am reminded and grounded by Philippians 4:  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.